I cannot believe it has been about eight months since I have written a post. I would like to attribute this to my insanely busy life but that really isn’t the case. And while I do work quite a bit, managing a coffee shop is not as easy as it sounds, I have been trying to figure out the real reason why there are huge lapses between my writings. My first thought was laziness; it’s true that I do love to just come home and hang out with my husband and dogs and not do much else, but that wasn’t the full answer to my query. Maybe it’s because I have limited myself in blog topics by challenging myself to read 100 books and write about them. That wasn’t the right answer either, it was just an excuse. I love reading new books and challenging myself, it’s writing about them that has stalled me (an update on the book challenge later in this post!) So why was I not writing as much as I would like to, on the blog and in general? Why would I prevent myself from doing something I enjoyed and then feel depressed that I did not have enough time to do it? It finally dawned on my: fear.
To me writing is not just a hobby, it is something I would love to do professionally someday. It is a release of creativity, a passion, a thing that brings me so much joy. So why do I let fear stop me from doing it? Because writing something, whether a novel or a simple blog post, and then letting someone read it is a very scary thing. Thinking of someone reading my passion, something I put so much love and work into, and then criticizing it, judging it, or even worse hating it, makes my stomach do nauseous flips. It’s like introducing your baby to a person and having them hate it- I know this sounds extreme but it’s how I feel every time I have someone read something I’ve written. So what better way to keep ‘your baby’ safe than to keep it locked up at home and never let anyone hurt it. I fully know this will not enable me to accomplish my professional writing goals or help me become a better writer, yet I let the fear hold me back.
However, I think fully realizing this as the main reason I hold back from writing, has finally enabled me to write this post. And bringing a voice to this fear has made me realize how silly it really is. Why should I hold back from something that brings me so much joy because I’m afraid of what people will think? Criticism and feedback are the only ways we can get better at anything in life and I should embrace both of those things, good or bad. So I am making a vow, here in public but more to myself, that I will allow myself to write more. Stephen King says he writes 3 1/2 hours every day, and while I don’t really have that luxury, I will try to write something every day. It allows me a creative release, it helps me refine my skills and more importantly it makes me happy. And whether no one reads what I write, or one person reads it (Hi Mom!), or somehow more read it, I will take the feedback and I will be proud and happy to do something I love every day and I will NOT let the fear stop me.
So henceforth this blog will be: a place where I write about whatever I please (dogs, writing, books, Greek mythology, this sky is the limit): a place to help get my creativity flowing: and a place to continue my 100 books in one year challenge. Because although I failed in completing that challenge in one year, I am continuing with my list and will one day make it through all 100 (Ulysses be damned)! You can find a list of the books I have completed below- the ones I had not read previous to the start of the challenge:
Catch-22; On the Road; Lolita; Midnight’s Children (you can find my reviews on these books on previous posts)
Lord of the Flies; 1984; The Golden Compass (feel free to ask me for a review of these if you would like)
Ulysses (this book is killing me. I keep starting and stopping…)
Thank you for reading my ramble and I hope you follow along with my random musings. Feel free to provide feedback or comments, I know how to take both of them now!